A little background info on me:
I am currently a waitress at a restaurant in a Courtyard hotel. And a freshman in college. And a lesbian.
And very, very awkward.
No, I mean it. I know a lot of people describe themselves as awkward, but they turn out to actually be some amazingly graceful dancer with luscious curves and the voice of Christina Aguilera. Oh hoho. You do not understand the true definition of awkward.
Until you meet someone like me.
For example: Just last week, I called Pizza Hut to order my sister and I some pizza (stuffed crust, because it's greasy heaven) and my brain absolutely failed me. I hear, "Hello this is Pizza Hut, how may I help you?" and the only decipherable words out of my worth were, "Hi, I'd like to...ummm...shitshitshit" *hangs up*
My sister witnessed this all go down, and she can vouch for me. This is not the first time it's happened.
So yeah, I'm something else. Which is why having a job that actually requires a fair amount of grace, focus, and social skills is nothing less than a struggle. A very awkward, very sad (yet hilarious) struggle. All of these factors make for some very interesting stories at the end of the day. Especially when I have many foreign people throughout the week who do not quite seem to understand how the American culture works.
I once watched a man eat scrambled eggs with his hands. His hands. Now, I can't really judge, because I often find myself so ravenous that I must eat everything with only my hands as to stuff everything in my mouth hole as fast as possible. But really, I watched him eat the entire plate of eggs with only his hands. He was definitely foreign, because when I offered him a fork (I thought, maybe he accidentally just ate his fork), he just took it, thanked me, and used it to stir his tea instead. I just shut my mouth and walked away quickly.
And then there was the time the British man asked for things I still believe he made up just to mess with me. First he asked for brown sauce, which I understand is, in fact, a thing. I just didn't know what the hell it was. He described it to me, and I apologetically informed him that we had none. And then he asked for some sauces that are probably not even legal, if they are a real thing, and became increasingly irate as I explained that we didn't have those, either. Finally, he was so fed up that he demanded tea immediately and I accidentally offended him by giving him green tea, instead. Oops. If I've learned one thing, it's that tea has a direct effect on how you are tipped.
In this case, not well. Or at all.
I think he might have intentionally taken some of his money back so it did not even cover the bill.
Lesson learned.
But I also find it's important to research a little about a country before you go there, just so it makes communication with the locals slightly less uncomfortable.
I will continue to write about my daily adventures in waitressing.
As long as you promise to keep laughing at me.
I mean my blog.
